“I'm developing a new guide called the 'Manual on Uniform Traffic Engineer Excuses' or #MUTEE,” tweeted Boise-based planner Don Kostelec in a moment of genius.
“You get to name the chapters. Go!”
The responses were swift, and hilarious, and like so much humor carried painful truths. Below is a sample.
Appendix 99 – A Listing of All Mandatory Design Features for All Forms of Alternative Transportation [This page intentionally left blank]
Chapter 16: Sharrows: How to Apply the Single Ply Toilet Paper for Bike Infrastructure
Chapter 13: Two-way Cycle Tracks Mean Highly Complex Intersections; Why You Should Just Use Sharrows Instead
Chapter 44: Someday Dark Clothing Will Go Out of Style
Introduction: Why the World Is Designed for Peak Hour Car Use and Not 24-Hour Use by Everybody Else
Chapter 12: Induced Demand and Widening Projects: Tall Tales, Lies, and Other Falsehoods
And: "I don't care what the in-between chapters are," wrote Durham Complete, "as long as the first one is called “It's Too Early to Consider That” and the last one is called “It's Too Late to Consider That.”
I don’t care what the in between chapters are as long as the first one is called “It’s Too Early to Consider That” and the last one is called “It’s Too Late to Consider That”.
Others so deftly skewer the subject that engineering excuses were left piled up like corpses:
How to Blame People Walking or Cycling for Getting Hit by People Driving
We Tried That Once
Standards and Double Standards: Our How-to Guide for Applying Guidelines
How to Prevent Jaywalking
We Can't Force People Out of Their Cars
Engineering for “Real” Travel Modes
Judging Safety Through a Windshield
Equity – How to Talk to 1 Person of Color
Public Input – What Does it Mean and Why Do Planners Keep Saying It?
“Why we need a local study,” submitted Corey Burger, and cudak888 added: “And an “environmental study' to make sure that “the green paint won't harm native fireants”
How Risking Pedestrian Lives Prevents Non-Life-Threatening Fenderbenders
Why Adding Another Lane to Maintain Is Fine, But No We Can't Build a Bike Path Because We Can't Maintain it Why Do You Ask?
The Forever Wait: Why Traffic Signal Software Can't Allow Walk Cycles When Cross Traffic Has a Red
We Don't Need Pedestrian Facilities Because No One Walks There
You get the idea--and these are just a start. Check out Don Kostelec's feed on Twitter @kostelecplan.
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Streetsblog California editor Melanie Curry has been thinking about transportation, and how to improve conditions for bicyclists, ever since commuting to school by bike long before bike lanes were a thing. She was Managing Editor at the East Bay Express, editor of Access Magazine for the University of California Transportation Center, and earned her Masters in City Planning from UC Berkeley.
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