Skip to Content
Streetsblog California home
Streetsblog California home
Log In

Sponsored post: Spin and Better Block Foundation are calling on designers, urbanists and anyone who cares about safe and livable streets, to submit ideas for a new generation of multimodal parklets. Winning designs will get built and installed in Denver in September. Let’s take back our streets from cars, one space at a time. Apply now: https://www.spin.pm/streets

Ah, the SUV with the nature-y name. The "Tahoe" or the "Forrester" or the "Acadia." Designed, in theory, to ford some pristine river.

The reality is not as glamorous. These $45,000 boats are sitting in a parking lots in front of big box stores in suburban Cleveland. Or stuck on the highway in Maryland carrying a single passenger, spewing toxins into the air.

It's discouraging to see the auto market again headed so strongly toward SUVs — which sends pedestrian deaths soaring.

But the suggestion that an SUV is somehow "outdoorsy" is a big part of the appeal. So just for kicks, we asked our readers to come up with more — ahem — appropriate names for some of the best-selling full-size SUVs of 2019. Here's what Streetsbloggers came up with:

Land Rover Range Rover

land rover
false

Land Rovers. For when you want a safari vehicle, but mainly just for commuting 35 miles on the interstate by yourself. This is one of the SUVs that, for whatever reason, seems to communicate a certain something about the driver. This version for 2020 starts at $42,000.

Best name: Mall Rover

Runner-up: Chelsea Tractor

Infinity QX80

infinity SUV
false

Look at this colossus. It's so square. So macho! It gets just 14 miles per gallon in the city.

Best name: Infinity Gas

Runner-up: Hit-and-Runner

sequoia
false

Toyota Sequoia

It's sad that a company coopted the name of a beautiful tree to sell this gas guzzler, which gets just 13 miles to the gallon in the city.

Best name: Toyota Rollover

Runner-up: Toyota Screentime

Nissan Armada

Nissan USA
Nissan USA
false

This boat gets just 14 miles to the gallon in the city and 19 on the highway. Good grief.

Best name: Nissan Asthmada

Runner-up: Nissan Compensator

Toyota's FJ Cruiser

71oQ4tjZ1YL._UY560_
false

It's like the lego version of a Hummer. This one has actually been -- thankfully -- discontinued. Sorry about that, cars aren't really our thing around here. Still ...

Winner: FU Guzzler

Runner Up: Pedestrian Bruiser

Thanks to everyone who submitted names! You can check out the whole thread here.

Humor can make a difference. If more people realized that their vehicle choices were the butt of everyone else's jokes — and car manufacturers put on the defensive — perhaps we wouldn't be in the situation we are in right now. After all, one of you who suggested calling a mega-SUV the Chevy Glacier Melter — which is funny ... because it's true!

Stay in touch

Sign up for our free newsletter

More from Streetsblog California

Wednesday’s Headlines

A larger than usual headlines stack as we careen towards the 4th of July.

July 2, 2025

Inner Richmond Parents Fed Up with SFMTA Watering Down Safety

Mother of a child hit by a driver furious with city excuses for not taking daylighting and other safety measures seriously.

July 2, 2025

Governor Signs Major Changes to CEQA to Cheers from YIMBYs, Jeers from Environmental Groups

Newsom fast tracked changes to CEQA to fast track development and housing. But what do the changes to the law actually do?

July 1, 2025

Santa Monica and West Hollywood Bus Lane/Stop Enforcement Programs Start Today

Don't block the bus! Parking in a bus lane or at a bus stop will result in a $293 ticket.

July 1, 2025

Tuesday’s Headlines

Gov Signs CEQA Bill to Increase Housing, Higher Fees on Parking and Tolls, Opposition to Road Widenings, ICE

July 1, 2025

Does Constant Driving Really Make Our Country Richer?

A new study reveals that constant driving is making America less productive and prosperous — and getting people on other modes could help right the ship.

June 30, 2025
See all posts